18 months?

So there’s a 50% chance my mom will be dead inside of 18 months. I’m gonna try like hell not to let it upset me.

But this brings up a question. During my visit today, my mom said something along the lines that she probably wasn’t going to get much flying in anymore. Even if she lives for some time, she’s going to be severely handicapped. If the diagnosis holds, she’s got limited time to do things.

I don’t believe in living each day as if it’s your last. It’s a nice cliché. But if I lived today as if it were my last, I would make no effort to open a bookstore. This doesn’t mean that my bookstore isn’t up there in priority. If I had only one day to live, I’d be trying to get with all the hot-or-good-in-bed girls possible, and blowing whatever i had left on massive drugs. It would be fun, and I could fit it in 24 hours. With a lifetime ahead of me, there’s so much more that I could do that I would enjoy more. The general idea though has some value.

Given the context, I couldn’t really ask my mom today what she wants to do. I would like to try to make her time left as enjoyable as possible. She’s never been one to want to see the world. Perhaps there’s something in it she does want to see. Aside from spending time with family, I don’t know to what she’ll want to devote her time. If I were in that spot, I would definitely see a lot of the world. See a lot more concerts, though I suppose I could enjoy concerts even after the paralysis stage, so that wouldn’t be as much of a priority as going to remote places. I’d definitely try to get on Jeopardy. Maybe I’d attempt to write a novel. (I wonder if my mom would like to go to Mass at the Vatican? I should ask her that.) I wouldn’t be trying to get in any extreme events. Definitely add a few more tattoos. Plan to do so, but haven’t got a good idea of what I want. I think I’d be less picky if I knew I had less time. Definitely I would try to get in some exquisite food. I know shit about famous restaurants, but I think I’d find out and go try one or two.

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