18 months?

So there’s a 50% chance my mom will be dead inside of 18 months. I’m gonna try like hell not to let it upset me.

But this brings up a question. During my visit today, my mom said something along the lines that she probably wasn’t going to get much flying in anymore. Even if she lives for some time, she’s going to be severely handicapped. If the diagnosis holds, she’s got limited time to do things.

I don’t believe in living each day as if it’s your last. It’s a nice cliché. But if I lived today as if it were my last, I would make no effort to open a bookstore. This doesn’t mean that my bookstore isn’t up there in priority. If I had only one day to live, I’d be trying to get with all the hot-or-good-in-bed girls possible, and blowing whatever i had left on massive drugs. It would be fun, and I could fit it in 24 hours. With a lifetime ahead of me, there’s so much more that I could do that I would enjoy more. The general idea though has some value.

Given the context, I couldn’t really ask my mom today what she wants to do. I would like to try to make her time left as enjoyable as possible. She’s never been one to want to see the world. Perhaps there’s something in it she does want to see. Aside from spending time with family, I don’t know to what she’ll want to devote her time. If I were in that spot, I would definitely see a lot of the world. See a lot more concerts, though I suppose I could enjoy concerts even after the paralysis stage, so that wouldn’t be as much of a priority as going to remote places. I’d definitely try to get on Jeopardy. Maybe I’d attempt to write a novel. (I wonder if my mom would like to go to Mass at the Vatican? I should ask her that.) I wouldn’t be trying to get in any extreme events. Definitely add a few more tattoos. Plan to do so, but haven’t got a good idea of what I want. I think I’d be less picky if I knew I had less time. Definitely I would try to get in some exquisite food. I know shit about famous restaurants, but I think I’d find out and go try one or two.

10 thoughts on “18 months?”

  1. I hope you get to talk to her about this, and I hope that it can be an affirming, pleasant conversation for you guys. I think it could be, and I think it could lead to some really neat opportunities for you to share something with her. If she gives you vague ideas, let some of us know, and maybe we can help round out a plan or two.

    Has she seen your nephew? Will she get to soon? I imagine that is very high on her priority list right now.

  2. They’ve been down to visit at least once, and Dan has brought Victor up once. She’s going to visit my sister in about 10 days as well.

  3. I think that would be a great thing to ask her. There might just be something, something kind of big and far away, that’s she’s always wanted to do or see. And this would be an amazing thing to make happen.


  4. Talk to your mom and find out what she would do if she could, but also remember that what she wants may not seem like much to you. Respect her wishes knowing that for some people just knowing that they are loved is the greatest gift they could have.

    You are a good man Phil. You’re mother is lucky to have a son like you. I have so much more I could say from my own experiences, but know that you have once again reminded me of why I respect you.

  5. My mom died a couple of years ago of metastatic breast cancer. She had a similar timeline and really only about 9 months after finding out that it had metastatized before she wasn’t able to do stuff anymore that she had really wanted to do.

    The top two things on her list were to go with me and my kids to Disneyworld and to take a tour of the East Coast when the leaves were changing. I took her and her husband to Disneyworld with my kids; we flew first class (her first and only time ever doing that) and stayed on property at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. It was a great experience and I am so glad I did it, and am so glad my kids got a memory that they’d never forget about their Grammy.

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