Tag: whatcom

I also want to mention that I am really glad to have moved up here. I think my mental state living in Seattle and not being in a position to help like I can here would be so much worse. Much as having the support of friends close by would be great, I’d be in a much deeper hole.

Thursday morning I headed south.

First thing was a meeting with RBC Dain Rauscher. My former broker left the company to start his own. So this was a get to know you meeting with someone else there to see if I liked their investment philosophy. I need to decide whether to follow my old broker to the company he just started, or stay with RBC.

I got my hair cut.

Thursday evening I finished sorting two years worth of paper, then started filing it. By filing, I mean that 80% was ripped up and thrown in recycle.

Friday morning I had a meeting with the broker at his new office.

In the afternoon, I hung out with Kim at Remedy Tea. I love that place. Also, Kim gave me a present. She told me not to open it in front of my family.

Friday night I went to a yule party. Had goose for the first time. Also, bacon cookies. Yes, Daniel I have now had bacon cookies. They were good.

Today I drove up to Bow, where they have a little chapel. Watched my sister Elaine get married. I cried. Also cried thinking about my mom and Matt earlier today too. I’m a little emotionally fragile, but I got it under control before I picked up Gram and Gramps before heading to Bow. My sister looked really good, and I really like Brian’s parents.

Tomorrow morning I’m heading back to Seattle.

My broker left RBC Dain Rauscher. I have a meeting with RBC tomorrow, and another one with the broker on Friday. He’s started his own independent firm. The purpose of these two meetings will be to decide whether to follow him or stay with RBC.

Tomorrow night is mentoring. It’s a fun night. We’ll be playing video games.

Friday night I’ve been invited to a dinner party. I’m excited.

Both days are fairly free though.

Saturday my sister Elaine will be getting married. I’ll be driving my grandparents there, because it’s in Bow. It’s going to be immediate family only, except for the grandparents. There will be a small dinner afterward. Joe will drive Gram & Gramps back, and I’ll continue to Ferndale.

Sunday is a bigger family shindig at an aunts. I guess I will make an appearance.

Tuesday will be Christmas at my mom’s. Elaine is doing most of the cooking. I’ll be, get this, making some pies.

Thursday is an appointment I’ll be driving mom to. No mentoring. I can’t decide if I’ll be in Seattle for Fri/Sat, or for the 31st. Or both. I don’t have a date for New Year’s. Yet.

I got extremely anti-social last night. Didn’t go out. Didn’t go to a couple of functions I should have. Just couldn’t shake the sense of otherness.

Today though is the first step in moving. I’ll be doing my move in one of the most inefficient ways possible: in pieces. The big reason for that is that I will not be in Ferndale full time, so I’m not moving most of my furniture. I’ll be taking up my desk, my kitchen table, chairs, and some miscellaneous stuff today.

After unloading stuff, my intent is to head over to Ye Olde Cheap But New Bed Store and pick up a bed for the new place.

Tonight I will be staying in Seattle. Tomorrow I will drive up with my clothes, kitchen-ware, and Guinevere. I will be staying in Ferndale tomorrow. During the week I shall find even more furniture for the place: dresser, sofa, end tables, stereo.

I won’t have a computer there until next week. This week I will be mostly offline. I plan to charge up my Blackberry. It will be my primary internet access for the week. The following week I’ll bring the computer up and get the internets working. Then, every week I shall bring a few more items to Ferndale.

This will also serve as spring cleaning. I need to get rid of stuff. While I am keeping my place here, it’s mostly going to serve as a crash pad and not as a living space. So I don’t need some of the things I have here, and some of them are kind of beat up. The nicer stuff will definitely stay. The most comfortable bed in the world will stay.

Jason is helping me today. Erin has offered to help tomorrow. Several other folks have offered as well, but I won’t take you up on it. Since it’s not a wholesale move I don’t need people. There will be other opportunities later for y’all to keep tabs on me.

I feel like there’s something else I need to say/write. Or that I’m forgetting something important in the move. Damned if I know what it is right now.

This is somewhat for the benefit of my mom, but also for the numerous people who keep telling me how noble I am. Here’s an email I am sending to my mom:

I’m somewhat frightened to move. Not hugely. It’s something different, and it means that of necessity some things will change in my life. That can be good. I’m somewhat in a rut. Something you will be happy to know is that I haven’t completely given up on the idea of meeting the right girl and getting married after a suitable period of dating. Thing is, not to knock the women I know here, but the chances of that happening with my current circle of friends is dropping rapidly. I’m not the new and fresh face anymore. I’ve been considered and discarded by everyone left in this crowd. It’s not 100%. There are new people coming around. Some folks get recycled. But by and large, my chances are much less than what they used to be in 2002-2003 when I was the new guy.

A change of scenery would help. That can happen here. But it’s hard for me to get myself away from the comfort of my friends. So a new place will kind of force me to do something different. I’m not generally a believer that a change of place changes lives. Wherever you go, there are you. You don’t get away from your problems by moving. But dating, to a decent extent, is a numbers game. If you don’t meet new people, you don’t date much. Numbers aren’t a substitute, for sure. Adding 100 more married people to ones circle of friends doesn’t help much.

Anyway, I noted the other day that I am scared. Changing anything is scary for me. I am a creature of habit, particularly socially. But I’ve never gotten anywhere in life without changing things up, scary as that is. It isn’t going to change me. But getting me out of my routine isn’t changing me.

Helping you? While it has a side benefit to help you, in the end, even my plans to stop by to help you are selfish in nature. You get really upset by the inability to communicate as well as just changing things up (I get my don’t want to change nature from you, I’m sure). If I have a year or two left to spend with you, I’d rather it be fun times rather than constant upsetness. My plan is to put my manager experience to use so that you doesn’t have to be upset as often. Dad and some of the other folks helping you at least currently aren’t really able to fill that role. So you have to make sure things get done, but it’s really freaking hard when you can’t talk and are worn out all the time. That would be upsetting to me. And that affects me emotionally, as well as just messes with the time we have together.

The blunt truth is that I want you to be happy so I can be happy. It isn’t particularly noble. I don’t give a rat’s behind about the suffering of random people. If you were Cruella, I’d have walked away. If I had a career to lose or a family or something else, I can’t say that I’d give them up. I saw a movie within the last year, I can’t remember the title, which was about love. Mostly people meeting each other. One of the characters has a crush on an officemate, and eventually they go out on a date. And given the theme of the movie, you’d think her piece was about her falling in love with this guy. But it isn’t. She constantly is pulled away from opportunities at love with this guy and others because her brother is institutionalized or something like that. At the most inopportune times she helps her brother instead of herself. It’s really sweet, and somewhat sad. The point being, I don’t know if I could walk away from that. I’d certainly give you a lot of my time. I love you. I’d give up free time. I’d give up some career advancement. I’d give up a lot. But I don’t think I would give up all my future just to do the shit work.

Thing is, right now my future is wide open. I’m in a position where I can do more and not give much up. Some money. The bookstore is postponed, whether I move there or not. That would require nearly 100% of my mental energy, and I don’t have that. Moving involves some scary things. But I’ve never gotten anything good by staying comfortable.

So here’s my math: +more meaningful time with you. +less emotional upsetness for you and me. +changing up my routine. +finding new friends. +new activities (Erin says I will go snowboarding at Baker for example). -discomfort. -less spontaneity with existing friends for a couple of years. -money.

I add that up, and it tells me I have an opportunity to move, however scary. Not the other way around. If you can find someone else who really will fill the role to get things done, I will step back and not fight you on a move. But if you don’t want me to move because I will be discomforted and you don’t have someone else who will do this, I will get really upset. In the end, it’s your choice. I am not going to do anything against your wishes. But spending quality time with you is worth a lot to me, and definitely more than I think give up.

I sent an edited version of that to mom in response to her freaking out about me moving to help her.

I’ve mentioned this as a possibility before, but it’s official now. I will be moving to Lynden soon.

My current plan is to retain my condo here in Seattle. I will also get a place in Lynden, where I can be closer to my mom and help her arrange things and communicate. Thursday mornings I will drive to Seattle. I will spend the day here, and the evening mentoring. Then either Friday or Saturday, depending on social activities, I will drive back to Lynden.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do for Guinevere though. I don’t want to transport her back and forth. If she stays here and I get someone to feed her, she’ll be alone most of the week. If I take her to Lynden, I’ll have a harder time finding someone to feed her the couple of days I’m in Seattle since I don’t know as many people there. But there’s a chance I’ll rent a house, so she would be able to go outside again and have more room to roam around inside as well. Not to mention it’ll be fewer days alone. Another option is to find her a new home, whether a temporary foster home or permanent. Really don’t want to do that, as she’s been with me over a decade.